Until I changed school when I was in middle school. I went to a really crazy middle school and I saw a guy looks almost the same as Ivy, and he is in my class. I really felt lonely so I chose this guy instead of Ivy, cause I really need someone to be around me so he can look at my eyes when he said he loved me. I called Ivy, the first second I heard his voice I cried, I told him I was sorry and it was his fault, the first time I felt heart break. But that guy didn't love me at all, even though I ran to the market at school every day at breakfast time to buy him a hot chocolate milktea which is his favorite, it was winter, I was afraid the milktea would get cold so I put it inside of my clothes and ran back to the classroom before he got back and put it in his desk then pretend I didn't know this.I still remember the smile on his face when he opened the desk and saw the milktea, so I didn't stop doing this stupid thing, three times a day, I couldn't remember how much breakfast that I missed, I think he worth it. I kept doing this for a year even though I kept feeling sad. And that is why I asked my roommate for a cigarette every night. I told myself he didn't love for billions of times, but it didn't work.
After I gave up on him, another person appeared in my life, my third boyfriend. He is the oldest guy in my class, he was 20 when I was in Grade nine. I think I am really a foolish. He said I looked like a girl he loved, and asked me if I can be his girlfriend for one year, I agreed, not only because I felt lonely but also I wanted someone to love me for real. So I tried and tried to make him happy, he was really happy I can see it in his eyes. He can be very nice sometimes, once after a test we went out together, it was cold outside and he went back to class brought me his jacket. And I can still feel his body his skinny arms right now. I was sick and had a fever, he went to hospital with me, I am afraid of needles so he held my head and comfort me when the doctor put a needle inside of my body, that was my first time I didn't feel hurt. Months ago I found my old school bag, and I found his ID card in that. He is smiling looking at me, I couldn't stop crying, even though I already dating with Jayden. Until this moment, when I imagine his face I still sad and can't help crying, I don't know why but I just couldn't stop loving him. He said I was stupid he said he would go to Australia so when I knew that I can get in this school I was so happy... But I will never forgive him, he didn't even said let us break up and just disappeared, can't find him for so long.
The fourth guy that I loved was my friend's friend. He has exactly the same as my cousin. I met him on the Comic Con 11th and I called him brother after that. He concerned about me the most, so there is no surprise that I loved him eventually. But our relationship just kept for one week, in that week we met and I fell in love with him and then he said sorry. We still talk, he said I could talk to him any time, but I just don't want to. His name is Louise. Still can't throw away the picture I with him.
And finally the fifth...Sorry to say but I never think that we can be together for over two years, and I was right. My parents told me that they thought we would break up when he became eighteen, and I surprised them. Still love you but I just couldn't stand it anymore.
Maybe the Mr Right is waiting for me or I will just stay alone, I don't care, cause I never regret that I loved those people. I will keep smiling as long as I still have a pen a dream and a beautiful world.
Thanks for listening.
Angela Chen