I forgot who told me, we came to this world alone and eventually we would be gone alone, we were made to be alone. Sometimes I will be very negative, cause anyway I don't think that I can totally trust anyone, even if this person is my best friend or a number of my family. I remember once in my middle school, my good friend gave her first time to her boyfriend and she told me that, cause she didn't want her sisters know this, cause she knew her 'sisters' didn't really worth to be trusted. I was glad she trusted me, and I didn't tell anyone even though that person ask me about this, and I lied to them by looking at their eyes. But one day a boy from another class saw her walking down the street with me and he said he heard that she wasn't a virgin. I was shocked, cause I swear I didn't tell anyone, but she cried and she said she wanted to trust her sisters so she tole them about it, and her sisters promised that they would keep it as a secret.
I was also sad cause I knew they had been sisters for years, she asked me who could she trust, I said I didn't know. She told me lots of secrets maybe because I kept my mouth shut, anyway that's the only thing I could do for her. She really loved her boyfriend so she gave her whole life to him, but others wouldn't care, some people called her as a slut behind her. Poor little girl.
If you want to do something, better do it on your own. Cause at the end, I can't even trust myself. Someone said he could never know what was in my mind, that was irony, I didn't even trust you how could I tell you, I didn't even think you could keep them as a secret why should I tell you. Once we promised to each other we would keep a secret, but he still betrayed me just because another girl told him a secret and he wanted to be even. Bullshit, that wasn't 'his' secret, it was 'ours' secret, if he thought about me for half a second he wouldn't do that.
Maybe you are thinking that I can still talk to my family. Yes I can but I don't want to. Cause it's my life and even though I tell them about what I've been through they won't give a shit, I tried once and never again. They just think things hurt me were all kid stuff and none of them were a big deal. Therefore I never talk to them about the suffer again, but every time they complained about that I was a non-believer sounds like it was my fault. But maybe yes, I don't regret it though.
At least I can still believe one thing, I came alone gone alone, and I can only depend on myself.
Angela Chen